The beauty of a new beginning
Sometimes nothing is quite as satisfying as a good reset. Bad day? Sleep it off & wake up fresh. Bad hair? Time for a wash to bring it to life. Lame party? Let’s split and start the vibes off brand new.
Well, I feel I’ve had a refresh of sorts and now I’m working on building back up what once was. Fresh website, fresh schedule, back to making, back to creating— not that I ever fully stopped but I definitely let it take a backseat for a bit. Why? Well, mental health. I talk about my MH journey a lot online as it feels like Im safely shouting into the void. I’ve dealt with a beautiful cocktail of depression and anxiety my whole life (the latter increasingly so as I stepped into my adult life) and even though this is something I’ve had visit me my entire life, I still struggle to recognize it in the moment. I just lose control of everything. I lose interest in everything. What once brought me joy and excitement causes stress and feelings of inadequacy. Not saying when out of these slumps I feel totally motivated, organized, and confident but at least I can manage!
We moved in early 2022, a great move in every way. Our house has working appliances & amenities like a bathroom sink, oven, and heat! Besides basic necessities, our current place is an absolute dream situation compared to our old house. When we moved though I really fell a bit. I’ve always moved a lot in my life— whenever I do it takes so long to adjust. I always fall into a slump of despair it seems. I can honestly say it was happening prior to the move but that whole thing just really took the rug from under me. As much as I am a spontaneous & adventure seeking being I am also a creature of habit and when all your habits change it really throws you for a loop; if you’re like me. Living in what I knew was a great situation— especially compared to my last, I felt extremely guilty and confused for my lack of motivation and inspiration. In hindsight, I can be more compassionate with myself but in the moment I show no mercy for my state.
As the light at the end of the tunnel started to show itself again, I have sprung toward its luminescence. It’s a constant battle and choice to help myself escape this prison of my mind. It sounds dramatic but it is! It’s a choice not just daily but momentarily… every moment.
So here I am; now dusting off the me that was stored on a shelf for what feels like a week and a decade simultaneously. I wish I could say it won’t happen again but I am finished with make-believe promises to myself. Knowing me, it will happen again and I will fight to win myself back. Here’s your sign to do the same xx
love, dev
p.s. I missed writing… about nothing and everything. I still pick up my journal now & again but the “blog” section while setting up this website was calling my name (despite how outdated this media mode may be). I can’t say I’ll keep this up and I won’t promise any specific topics to come but it’s nice to have the option.
